attitude ; not just another girl

2006-02-09T05:32:00.000-08:00

2005-11-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

because i am hard to break into
because i appear stone hard on the outside
because i always seem so cold and indifferent
because i seem ever so secure

because i let you break into me
because i let you run away
because i feel like the ones who matter don't care
because i am insecure

because i don't know what to say
because i don't know how to say no like yes
because i don't know how to scream for help
because i don't know to to escape death

because i keep everything to myself
because i bottle all my emotions up
because i know of everyone's expectations of me
because i am aware of my boundaries

because i don't know who to tell
because i don't know who will listen
because i don't know who will help
because i don't know who actually bothers

because i feel like sleeping and putting off everything
because i bathe in the shower with my tears
because i don't know how to show my fears
because i am so misunderstood

you blog, knowing people will read. you blog, wanting people to read. you blog, thinking of what people should read. you blog, wanting to seek attention without going face to face. you blog, knowing that there is no privacy, no real sense of yourself, no true emotions. you blog, just wanting your readership to go up. you blog, trying to be someone else. you blog, trying to entertain. you blog, trying to entertain. you blog, trying too hard.

therefore you blog what you WANT others to know. and pray they will think the way you want them to. you blog because you are pathetic

you are too afraid to say no. you are too afraid to explain. you are too afraid to show how you feel and what you think. you are too afraid such that your opinions shake and differ. you are too afraid of offending somebody. you are too afraid of getting into trouble.

therefore you are too afraid to let the truth surface

and for these absolute reasons i am closing this blog down.

and never blogging again.

2005-11-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

Overall Comments From RG Teachers 2005

English Language
Yuling is vocal and by moderating her tone, she can be more persuasive

okay. whatever you say. i am vocal? as an english teacher, your descriptive writing sucks. loud more like it

Mathematics
Yuling needs to engage herself more actively in the learning process in order to reach mastery. She must take steps to seek clarifications when in doubt

i'm really sorry for sleeping during math class. it's like really inevitable. or maybe i lack the discipline. to me, it's the former. and i am sorry.

Geography
Yuling is forthright with her ideas. Her presence enlivens class discussion.

yay! finally a really genuine positive comment that is definitely not a template. i am so straightforward and it has its uses! and i actually enliven twosix! how cool. hahaha. must be due to the okay geog grades and my choice of subj combi

History
Yuling is a lively student and has a cheerful disposition. She is highly perspective and is capable of thinking critically.

see? how can anyone not like mr mizar?

English Literature
Yuling possesses a competent grasp of literary concepts. There is evidence of conscientiousness in her work, which is often thorough, and she has also demonstrated the ability to do close reading.

i love mrs yue. but this is really a template. but cut her some slack. afterall, she teaches so many classes and only over such a short period of time. what else do you want?

Lower Secondary Science
Yuling has an understanding of basic concepts but needs to engage herself more actively to improve further

i flunk science. shit. and i swear i don't engage actively. maybe because i am sleeping?

Higher Chinese
Yuling is a cheerful and pleasant student. She is always responsive during group discussions and does not hesitate to voice her thoughts confidently

i knew mrs poon LOVES me. and i love her too. responsive during class discussions? well, talking crap is always easy. and i am like SO confidently, if not rude and heck care. i love mrs poon. i will miss her.

Philosophy
Yuling is vocal and has confidence in her viewpoints.

like whatever, loser. guess the teacher. no prizes.

2005-11-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

i think craig david seriously rocks.

Craig David : Don't Love You No More [ I'm Sorry ]

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly game
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

i am seriously bored. today is drama night 2005. which means, technically, it's the last day where the twosixers will stay together. which means we will seriously split up really soon.
which means i am once again afraid. afraid of getting a sickening class. afraid of not being able to get my combi. seriously, im afraid.

blogging is seriously boring. bye.

2005-11-01T06:26:00.000-08:00

my favourite song now! Come Back To Texas. damn nice lah! makes me feel damn hyper

okay.

GPAs this semester. note the RELUCTANCE to include the entire's year

geog : 4.0
english : 3.6
science : 3.6
chinese : 3.6
lit : 3.6
math : 3.2
history : 2.8 [WHAT THE HELL. HUH? HUH? HUH?! from 3.6 DOINK DOINK DOINK. wow.]

okay. some people should learn not to rub it in. thank you. i don't care lah. grades do NOT validate me.

i like daniel wu! he's like so freaking. erm. i dunno.

shit! i miss you.

number 11. best number ever

okay. another KOK entry today okay? another list then. because im bored

10 things that tell you you are a man [or turning into one, or wished you were one].

1. you look at the long-sleeve Billabong tees and immediately want them. the same will take place at Esprit, and everywhere else. one thing. they are all for the MALES.

2. you BREATHE, LIVE and DIE for soccer. liverpool glues you to the screen. even without michael owen

3. saluting is your new way of saying goodbye

4. michael owen becomes the one you want to emulate. note, not worship, not crush. EMULATE

5. you want to be in ri. so you can prove that rafflesians aren't losers. not with you in there. :)

6. people agree you look like a man, if you insist

7. you blame your dad's lack of strong y-chromosomes.

8. you write really good love poems. all dedicated to women

9. you want to play electric guitar. and the GOTH kind.

10. you let everyone on the bus get off first. because you are a gentleman.

I AM A MAN!

2005-10-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

freaking asshole
ninny bitch
what's your problem man?
why can you pick on every single thing

i can't stand you
neither can the rest
can't you see?
you are nothing but a fake

we all know better
but why do we adhere
because your unreasonable ways
will only sink deeper if we don't

but it's okay. it's all gonna be over

yay. netball carn tmr. and i still can defend. how?

i don't hate you
i don't dislike you
i don't even think im pissed
i just can't understand why

so please let me know

2005-10-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

today went for my cousin's bday party.
pretty cool. inside this function room they booked from their condo
coolio.

water-gunned everybody. damn fun. beat the boys at lf2. but of course. i typed in the cheat code. hahahaha

yeah. quite a few pretty cute boys. you know. short and cute and smiley.

some jerk asses freak shit too.
but of course. act attitude. craziness. i AM attitude.

spent the whole day lying on the chair by the pool
reading the bible.

yeah. the bible. in chinese somemore.
thank you. i know im so damn knowledgeable

2005-10-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

eoys are over

somewhat i feel so aimless. drifting. i wld rather have the eoys back. at least i had smth to do. okay. i could at least study right? but now.

nevermind. no one hears this anyway

flightplan was rather good

2005-10-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

ONE MORE DAY
one last subject

kok yuling. you can do it. be strong
even when no one else helps

tomorrow. it's the subject i erm. suck at.

so far

physics : KTan said we did well! yay. i dun think i am part of "we" though. serious.
english : okay lah
chinese : eww. never mind
history : rather okay. no comments. suck at it. last hist test ever :)
geog : yay. finally over
lit : okay. last lit test ever. :(

so tomorrow it's math. then there ends my entire sec2 life. this year really passed fast. very very fast. it seems like just a while ago i reunited with twosix after the dec hols '04.

yay. flightplan tomorrow. can't wait.
everything will be okay

oh yeah. thanks for EVERYONE'S GOOD LUCK. especially those who didn't forget about MY eoys even after theirs. hahaha. but as i said. twosixers don't need luck. :)

i love twosixohfive. loads.

oh yeah. did i tell you? you suck. why? because you are only taking but not giving. i can't comfort. i need to be comforted in fact. so don't expect me to do so everytime. who are you? nobody. nothing.

aargh. rs portfolio! dead. bye. it's my afternoon nap time. congruency? who cares?

at least, i don't

2005-10-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

damn. museum of twits, i hate you. you are so freaking mind-blowing + captivating, i can't study for history. i need to PULL myself away. no. literally TEAR. yeah. which is like. so. hard lorh. serious. as in it's hard to get my attention like that.

thanks to retard patrol too

totally mind-blowing. but seriously these guys must have a pretty good command of language. okay. maybe that's because it's obvious in contrast with the twits, but still, it's rather good. hahaha. you know. the importance of language is not in being cheem nor using bombastic, uncomprehenable by most pple kinda words but using the right words for the right situation, to describe a particular feeling. it's accuracy.

and i really dunno why some people can type LiKe THiS. i mean, wHaT'S tHe pOiNt? y3ahxxzzz. okay. the reason for msn lingo is to create shorthands effectively. and the objective is to make typing faster through shorter words. so e.g. : tomorrow - tmr. okay. this is fair and reasonable right?

how abt tomorrow -> tml. okay i can't understand this alrdy. when did "tomorrow" had a L in it? but it's okay. it's generally understood and it's short.

okay. so "you" becomes "u". okay. it looks kinda weird and i don't like it. but nevermind. it's effective and comprehenable.

but when "you" MUTATES itself and becomes "euuuuuu". i cannot see any single advantage. "euuu". i rather go "EWWWWWWW" lah. please lorh. will those twits understand that lingo is to help you type faster. imagine those british looking at the friendster profiles. when the hell did a commonwealth country become like that?

signing contracts in the future. how will they look?
"by signing dis contract, euuuuuuuuuu hab agreed to pay the liabilities should any form of injury take place."

no. cannot. im too cheem.

"euuu muz pay mwee moi money if i get hurt. understandz?"

okay. more like it. as person who took french as a third lang. im ashamed. singaporeans are done with mutating english and now have proceed on to french. MOI. please. english [ or the way they say it, engrish ] + french. nah. although they are just separated by a channel, it does not mean that their language cross-breed. okay? and j'aime tu? PLEASE LAH. french got grammar rules too. it's je t'aime. understood [ed] ? okay. never mind

and im ashamed of someone i know. okay. her friendster is like. wow. pictures of her. alone. and she claims to be outgoing and friendly. wait. then why are her photos all taken alone? dramatic irony. yeah. and she can take just one photo. and using microsoft photo editor. change the photo to sepia, black and white and negatives. okay. and post all the mutated versions [or arsty farsty, you may call it ] on friendster. so it's four versions of the same photo. does it make a difference? and it does not help when you call yourself all the shit names. like. PYNKer. PYNKfreak. whatever. it's silly. and you take my phone and look at the profiles. being kokyuling, my profiles are named pretty "cheemly" for you, i guess. then you "kope" the words and use as your msn nick. it's okay. the only slight problem is you string a whole chain of words which don't make sense together. okay. and another problem is. you don't understand the words. i gotta explain them to you. and it's not like they are very hard anyway.

vindicated
blunders
inertia

okay. they aren't cheem at all. and you don't know. but ignorance is bliss. then why do you have to use them, making no sense? okay. never mind. the problem is you aren't lucky enough. so you try to materialise yourself using my stuff. my shirts from gap. whatever. and you are an ingrate. seriously.

i feel damn good bitching. okay. all history's fault. i hate history. seriously. i do. but i love mizar. not beihan's, laine's way. i think he is a freaking good tchr who actually understands and roughly in the same generation as us. haha.

okay. chinese was rather okay. but okay is like. never mind. but chinese was supposed to be "chey" for me. so wow. i'll be lucky to score a 65% and above. hahaha. praying hard

omg. i did not revise today. that's not very nice of me. stupid ba li lian ren. des amourex a paris. okay. the french used inside is pretty good. better than some twits. it's such a silly show with implausible plots. but i really enjoy it. yeah. how silly of me. i know. i've been lured by the sweet plot and storyline and dialogue. yeah. hahaha. trickery

okay. history's up tomorrow. luck. i need lots of it. i seriously suck at history

the bus conductor today was damn funny. checking our ezlink cards. mention smth about wanqi being pretty. blinded old man. haha. joking. wanchee coconut so chio lorh, please. he was bullying us. and val jutted this unknown girl. haha. mistook her for yuwen

next time when you choose to dao me. dao at the right time. under the right situations. for the right reasons. otherwise you are just breaking my heart and making me wait. just because i care as a friend. and you don't. because you don't care and you don't even care if i care. damn it. im tired

and it does not help that my head is about to explode from a freaking migraine.

why must it be me? damn this man

i still love my life. thanks for living, kokyuling. thanks god.

2005-10-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

one down. five to go

english down.

now left with chinese history geog lit math

i can do it. we can do it together sixers!
jiayou. good luck

actually we don't need luck
we're good enough. we've got what it takes, luck doesn't make a difference

english was rather okay i guess
mrs see is so cute. hahaha

and thanks to yuwen's reese peanut butter chocolate wafer sticks i got POWER man. it's called k2. k to the power of 2. kok x kwan. wahahahahaha

thank you mr lim for the class powerpoint presentation. but letting you have those pictures is letting you stare at chiobus like eli and gv. so don't complain. yeah. LAUsy teachers are eyesores. but look at the damn damn cutie mrs yue. and hopefully, soon. coolio mr mizar!

chinese. gonghan. sihan. whatever it is. i cannot freaking rmb the GESHI lah. whatever. forget it. im prepared to flunk my chinese anyway. it's no use lah. im sorry mrs poon. such an useless student like me

today went for my sister's malacca school tour talk. damn cute all the pri sch kids. they are like so freaking cute. and hot when they grow up. YAY. hahaha. and i think SOMEBODY'S gonna be really hot. if he ever grows. which i am sure he will. i think little short kids are just so cute. don't you think so? i am a paedophile

oh no. why am i not studying? WHY? byebye. i am gonna TRY studying. but i know i will end up watching tv. stupid korean drama. so cute so captivating. lovers in paris dunno what shit. STUPID show. dun like it.

i did not say anything on bus 190 today. i so did NOT. so don't accuse me.

2005-10-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

it's 2330. i probably will stay awake all night. i don't feel like sleeping

dragged 23.5 kg worth of locker stuff home today. i think my back broke

thanks for all the pep talks people. just that. i dunno. i feel really silly. and it seems like everyone seriously thinks i won't study. which is like. nah lah. i will.

i really don't feel like blogging
because i was waiting
and now i still am

freak it lah.
i mean, freak you.

i am going to brainwash myself.

took many photos today. the only good thing that happened in a long long time.

i dun care. i just want to love my family and my class. my parents and my sis. the twosixers. seriously, right now. they are all that matter. i just want to learn how to love twosix for the remaining days. short-lived happiness better than no joy at all. rg would be nothing without you guys. twosixohfive. oh. how much i love you guys. damn it. i am so gonna die in sec3

i swear to you that you'll be
never gone never far
in my heart is where you are
always close everyday
every step along the way
even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
i know you will be forever in my mind
never gone from me
if there's one thing i believe
i will see you somewhere down the road again

dedicated to twosixohfive. i love you

because i know you people will love me back

unlike some others.

and i won't be wasting my time nor love on any of you. i love all of you

i got no one to talk to. actually i wonder who will even see this? blinded.

2005-10-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

oh no.

i sound super depressed / emo. i am alright.

none of you are going to hear abt my problems. i don't see how it's going to help, burdening another person alrights?

yeah. and i ain't hurt. actually i ain't pissed.

just disorientated yeah?

i need yami yoghurt, wen.

but tmr will be a good day. i am going to make it good. i am. trust me.

i dun believe in soaking in depression. being some emo shit

because i only have one life. and that's it

2005-10-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

today had rs 2006 options. i want to take CPS! sounds pretty cool + you get to go to international competitions like in australia! which is very cool, indeed. haha. and everyone thought i destroyed my 20.5 cm by walking through the seats. but i didn't. i folded it up. so chill people. i know i am responsible for singapore's birthrate

i want to take CAP! but my language sucks. i probably can't get in. all the GEPers competing. forget abt it

my oh my

i can't stand people breaking promises
as i told ms loh, verbal agreements are viable in court too.
i mean. i really don't like people who break promises
and don't tell me their decisions
such that i hafta hear it from another person
it's not being very responsible.

you asked for my opinion
then i answered as truthfully as possible
and then. it isn't like respected
well, i dun even need it to be respected nor followed.
how about ACKNOWLEDGED then?

i know it ain't anyone's fault
but i still am like.
okay. no vulgarities.
but the respect i had is gone

yes. that's how much trust and promises mean to me.
i dun care if you know who you are
i dun even care if our relationship will stink
you can confront me and ask
you can scold me and whatever you do
i don't care
because i gotta let you know how i feel
when you do those things you do.

no one is perfect, i agree
but all you could do is
nevermind
forget it.
no one understands anyway

you still are gonna be a friend
in fact a damn close, damn good friend
of course that's only possible if you don't take offence in this
i have no qualms abt separating personal stuff frm friendship

but it will be different
somewhat
as i said
no longer respected

wonder what's your reaction if you ever see this
but i dun care
i'll be alright
i just need time to settle down and chill.
i know im really uptight now
cuz i really did valued your words.

it wasn't a promise actually was it?
you didn't actually PROMISED.
you don't owe me anything actually.

i take problems at face value
that's why im doing this
you see it don't ya?

maybe you will think im over-reacting
maybe i am
maybe i just take things too seriously.

i did everything
i dun want history to repeat itself.
i am really tired.

but it'll all be okay.
someday

2005-10-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

Paper Plane

My heart was a paper plane,
Simple white and pure.
I left the safety of my maker,
(Too early I think),
To test my wings and try the sky.
I braved the buffeting winds,
I fended off the flying foes,
I swished and swayed in the storm,
But through it all I stood firm.
Then the raging inferno of hate,
Consumed my tiny body,
It crumpled and frayed my edges.
And when the torrents came,
I could not hold my balance
And I tumbled down, creases and all
Into the slimy muck.
The droplets on the outside,
Corroded away my stronghold.
While the bleeding on the inside,
Made my soul grow weary.
Crushed by unwary weights,
Buried by guilt ridden thoughts.
I wallowed in my self-pity,
And drowned in self-induced pain.
I never did dream,
To ever
Fly again.

Then you came along
And lifted me from the muck.
You held me gently and shook me up.
Smoothing out the creases,
You tried to make me clean.
Bit by bit you mended me
And remodeled my ruined wings.

But when you tried to let me fly,
I plummeted to the ground.
(Sad to say) You should've been warned,
Of the disappointment to come.
For mud covered tear stained planes,
With mangled wings and broken bodies
Can never fly again.

sorry if there's some copyright to this. i just seriously find it really nice. anw it's frm shadafakup on fictionpress.com.

this is what i call a poem.
ordinary words made extraordinary
expression and thoughts made strong and felt
everything else in life doesn't matter

that's the wonder of writing.
indulging yourself in the richness of words
playing with them, twisting them around
and for that moment. just that moment
you live in a world of your own

not the obnoxious kind when you build walls around everyone
but it's like reflection. facing the wall. without any disruption
it's like a prayer you know?
sigh. i seriously need a fellow intellect :)

someone who will listen
someone who will talk
and at the end of the day
the one who will understand.

i doubt anyone would be able to though.
but that's okay
i didn't think anyone would.

let's move on to happier topics
i like the art museum. a lot.
im gonna be an artist.
the abstract kind. haha
eli! layering of paints also very famous okay!
and why NOBODY wanted to go olio dome?
i feel so hurt.

and unsuccessful attempt to learn how to pout
and to take poser photos.
damn it lah. haha.
i love twosix
i breathe twosix

but twosix lack intellects can?
i seriously need one. im serious, y'knw
my search will end in futility
because
nevermind.

i just want a really good friend
nah. rafflesians can't help.
nah. not twosix either.
because i wld lack the courage to face you.
for the last time im serious

i am not as brave as i used to be
or i want to be

but life smelt good today
and probably everyday
im still thankful
i can breathe

2005-10-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

if i touch a burning candle
i can feel no pain
if you cut me with a knife
it's still the same
and i know my heart is bleeding
but i know that i am dead
and the pain that i feel
trying tell to tell me it's not real
and it seems like i still have some tears to shed

if i touch a burning candle
i can feel no pain
in the ice or in the sun
it's all same
yet i feel my heart is aching
though it doesn't beat, it's breaking
and the pain that i feel
trying tell to tell me it's not real
and i know that i'm dead
yet it seems like i still have some tears to shed

CORPSE BRIDE!
damn nice. damn sweet. damn cool. i like this show. a lot lah. even though some people from other schools were damn noisy behind. but the movie was so nice. i like the bride! the dead one! emily! she's damn sweet

"i've been robbed of my dreams. i don't want to rob another person of hers"

so sweet. haha. and that VICTOR groom is DAMN cute can? reminds me of some people i know. so blur and confused. it's so funny. and the songs and the musicals. it's was just fantastic.

the corset looks damn painful though. ouch.

now i wna watch GOAL!. but i know that NOBODY will watch with me lah. shall go watch myself. be a loner. because i really wanna watch. yay!

i like yami yoghurt. without peanuts. it was damn funny. such a joke. the menu said that the banana boat yami yoghurt consisted of two papayas and one watermelon. i was like WTH? TWO PAPAYAS + ONE WATERMELON? yuwen was choking lah. haha. yami yoghurt got bad english lah.

ramenten is like. aargh. never mind. go Raffles Hotel's Kaisan. much better. yupps.

today i was a hero! our class had a INSECT. huge one. all the rest were shrieking away. the bravest kokyuling took a broom and swept it out. and threw it down three storeys. i dunno if it's dead or alive. yupps. but it committed suicide one lah. haha. see. im SO BRAVE. why? im a MAN lah. 20.5 cm lah.

pe was okay. got assessed for belaying. shld be not too bad. yupps. fel was DAMN pro can? wth. can retrieve the line lah! save grace all the punishment + trouble. i love you fel! then suyin was measuring her what lah! so what! do it behind close doors! haha

history was rather weird. mr mizar kept saying yishun got rats and snakes. DUN HAVE LORH! i lived here for 14 years. DUN HAVE. never saw any. okay. maybe my neighbourhood is cleaner. i bet my neighbourhood is cleanest! yay! and i could hear brenda and laine gushing abt his cuteness. damn funny. me and shuna were like laughing throughout

during physics it was like
mr tan : imagine all of you are electrons being kept in this room. i let you all out. first place you head to is canteen for the food.
us : no lah
mr tan : okay. let's say there are ac guys in the canteen.
us : NOOOOOOOOO [ we are all CHINESE ]
mr tan : okay. SJI.
us : please lah. NO.
mr tan : i know! how abt HWACHONG?!
us : NO! NO! NO! -SHOUTING-
genevieve : but if we stay here, must stay with mr tan leh!
us : okay. we rather the canteen then

haha. i like life. earth is yummy man.

2005-10-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

im writing this with a bee flying around my room! oh god. help. later if it stings me, then i will die! then this blog will be gone forever! i need the Singapore Armed Forces! okay. nvm

i shall be brave.

it's raining now. i like the rain. it makes me feel calm and composed. it clears my head and i think better. okay. actually, it's not a rain. more of a storm. like a mini typhoon. yupps. the air smells fresher though.

i ate a banana! to celebrate. celebrate what? after tmr, NO MORE PRESSURE FOR RS!

then i can study for my EOYs. when the rest of the singapore student population would be already having their exams. life's damn unfair lah. why do we start late and end late?

during english today. after i finished my summary, i fell asleep. as in REALLY slept. then it took 4 people [or was it 5?] to wake me up can? hahaha. see. im a heavy sleeper lorh. damn tired. didn't really sleep much over the few days.

disappointed mrs koh today. oi. i wasn't acting cute. i really felt bad. she thought so well and highly of us. and now, it's like. aargh. i feel so mean to let her down lah.

yay! tmr coconut, currypuff and me are going to the t-shirt shop to make our class tee. omgosh. can't wait. it's so gonna rock lorh. it's gonna be damn nice. and damn style. and damn different. even mrs poon agrees.

i feel damn accomplished can? i studied on the way home. i read thru the chapts 9-14 of the history textbk. is that pro or what? i resisted the temptations of my phone lah! i feel damn pro. yay. some rj posers were staring at me. must have thought im some freaking nerd mugger. but who cares? they don't knw me!

wait. let's go thru what i shld mug. and what i shldn't

Chinese
yeah. the gonghansihan format and also briefly read abt changwensuoduan and basically whatever there is

English
forget it

Math
so far, pretty okay. but still gotta do lots of practice. i can do it. i must

Physics
MUST. MUST study. if not, as screwed or worse than chem

Geog
yay. i like geog. shldn't be much of a problem. just one topic and anyway, it's my subj choice!

Lit
oh well. unseen prose. howta study?

history
i've been very dilligent in my notes. hope they will help.

yupps. thank god for all these privileges i have in school.
i really really wanna thank god.
i appreciate all i have
and all i lack, god
thank you

and nope. i ain't even a christian.free-thinker. when you believe and have faith, i dun think god minds. therefore, those avid christians, please help god help you. cheer up. we all knw how life's difficult and when you can't find a fren, god's always there. as long as god remains, strength remains.

i dun want my friends to lose themselves! shit. i dun wanna lose anybody! this means all of you must try your very best to stay happy, stay yourself.

today i totally pissed yijie off. called her chinese woman every now and then. acted like russell peters. haha. i like pissing her off. it's freaking fun

i gonna study really hard. if everyone can find the motivation, so can i.
and i promise i will.
it's all about self-belief

anyone knows how to post a BIG HUGE letter? and where to find envelopes that are A4 size? please.

2005-10-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

im sorry if i've been ridiculous
throwing tantrums. being silly.
it's all my fault, i know.
but i really can't control it.

i'll be there for you
wherever you go
whatever you do.

haha. nah. that was a random song playin on my player. the one you love by bsb. as sappy as these songs are, they are pretty healing.

sometimes as much that i can comfort people and get them to tell me what's going on. i know it's hard. because right inside i'm the one who keeps everything within myself. i keep everyone off the borders and boundaries. no one has seen anything. and i dun think i will let them, seriously. i talk about my friends not telling me their problems, their troubles, keeping me off. the problem is, that's what i do all the time. i am brave. alrights. only eli will understand lah.

i wanna call anybody now.
just someone who will talk to me.
and i just have to listen.
it's tiring speaking all the time.

i think i've matured a lot in the period of these two years.
i've learnt the good and picked up the bad.
it's inevitable. in fact, it balances out.
i dunno. it's natural is it?
i feel like life's more than just life
it's a game. it's a gamble.

right from the start, our lives were meant to be stakes.
bets and odds.
who survives life without getting scarred, gettitng hurt and bleeding?
that ain't life.
life's a series of lessons.
but you can't put right from wrong.
there is no definite answer, no goals.

the ultimatium is that you die.
but before dying, you get your chance at life.
one shot.
one jump.
one heart
and a life

it's how you make it.
how you assume it
what you want it to be.

no matter how depressed, sad i am
i won't let it show.
i dun need people counselling me.
consoling me.
i can self-heal. i really can
thank god for that

thank god for all my friends
thank god for giving me strength
but most of all, give thanks to god that
i am here.

and why do people show their depression easily?
i was depressed. i dunno if i still am.
but i like life. earth tastes good.
life is like dunno how fun
for everything bad, there's smth good to outweight it.

maybe because pain is good.
i learn lessons from pain

and to everyone out there
those who needs friends and whoever.
i can be a good one.

to eli and jon [nothing to do with JEli] esp:
you two aren't floaters
you two ain't got no friends.
both of you are my dis!
and i love you two all the same
i really mean it
as a friend

i dun see anything wrong with loving a friend
if some immature shit is gonna have any objections
i am just gonna ignore it
because im much better than all those taunts
and i know it.

see. positive attitude is what you need. :)
eli. a best friend is necessary. you need them. tell that to her.
i love you.
i love all of you.
my greatest greatest pals
because all of you were my strength

ahna. shara the shane is different. she's like my GIRLFRIEND?
haha
to yuwen the best ass part ever : you knw all the dirty little secrets
i love you guys.
truckloads

twosix'05 ; life would never be the same

2005-10-02T01:23:00.000-07:00

i am damn freaked out. i dunno what to do and what to say.

i am damn pro and skilful at bowling okay. i knocked down a SPLIT. you know HOW PRO that is? it's damn pro lah. yupps. i am damn pro. and we almost broke the swiper. :) how pro is that? and then i was trying to traumatise the ri sec1 cute little short bowlers. they damn zai. haha. i wore the AC blazer with rg tie. look like RI formal uniform. haha. i like the AC blazer. so comfy. jon! the sleeves seriously too short for you alrdy lah. it's like just nice for me and eli lorh. and we are supposed to have shorter arms. SOMEONE was being so moody and depressed. thought i did smth or said smth wrong. scared the hell out of me.

after that. eli dun dare to take her bag cuz she didn't train and was afraid her coach would question her. so she asked junyang [ri head prefect 06] to help her take. then she say her bag too messy, must take it herself. women are damn contradicting lah. i can't stand women. then we went to swensens

me and eli had a damn romantic dinner there. super romantic lah. damn cool. alfresco dining with candlelight. baked rice and aglio olio. and guess what happened? the paper towels caught FIRE. suddenly our topless 5 became firehouse. ice-cream with smoke all over. me and eli were like, OMG. luckily we controlled it in time. damn cool lah. i like swensens. i want more ice-cream.

me and eli talked so much. so she came to my house to stay! damn fun. we were measuring stuff. so we are going to study every friday together. because we both have got nothing on. damn fun. i like eli. dun worry. i like all who's reading this blog too. :)

went to buy physics insight. then the man at popular was like, it's the NORMAL ACAD book right? my mum was like, "WHAT?". i just laughed it off. then after that popular didn't have stock. so i asked them to check school bookshop out for me. then what happened was, i said, "i think my school have, RAFFLES." then the man laughed and said, "dun lie lah! Raffles where got normal acad?"

i was like. WTH. haha. damn funny.

i got my physics insight. was supposed to study. but spent the whole night. squander it away lah. anyway. i read thru it. dunno what it's talking about. sounds damn cheem. and i dun even knw if KTan taught it alrdy. haha. nvm. shall ask my hardworking dilligent friends. :)

i think i suck as a friend. must learn how to be a better, nicer, worthier friend. yeaps. must learn. as birling says, good old school of experience. :)

I LOVE MY LIFE. EARTH TASTES FREAKING GOOD.

2005-09-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

it's not about the piercing ache
i get whenever i see you go
it's not about the nagging pain
wanting to make you stay

not anymore

it isn't in my blood
to make you feel
we can't regurgitate the past
nor can we remain in the present

because life goes on
we move forward and progress
and as the clock ticks,
time fades all the scars

because
of your beckonings
you make me worry for my identity
who am i actually

because i am only but human
prone to misery and fears
the heavy march rain
keeps pouring and hitting on my back

you give me laughter, smiles and grins
you give me tears and grief and terror
but what i need and you don't provide
is the security and warmth

and see, for the simplest thing
i fear
you

it's over.
all over
finally over

this ain't a poem. it's for a friend. a friend with her heart shattered. and shattered someone else's. cheerios darling. you still've got me.

2005-09-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

i am so like, dead

i dunno. feel really bad. damn screwed.

i dunno why. dunno how. dunno what. all i know is

changes. everything changed. inevitable lah

i think i matured a lot. seriously. from the pri sch bully. to what i am now. chaoahbeng? sigh.

i think i need to reflect more. really. it helps. staring at the white ceiling. in the dark. it is therapautic lah.

also. i need sleep.

sigh.

i realised that im sensitive. only towards people im not close to. because with people im close to, it's kinda hard to be sensitive. we will overstep some borders and go. well, overboard.

i think jerks are well. really jerky. nth to say.

eli : thanks for messing with my phone. it's really okay.

2005-09-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

i really need a friend. someone to talk to. someone who will listen. i am sorry twosixers. i love you people. but somehow, it's just different. i can't tell you people all my troubles, my problems, my thoughts, my feelings and go back to school to face you guys. yes. i lack that courage.

i really need that someone. and by this, dun get me wrong. i dun mean a guy, you see. i just need someone to talk to who actually cares. i know my classmates, you all care, but somehow i dun feel secured talking to you people.

nah. i dun need company. i just need some time alone. to reflect. to think. of what i want. is it essentially what i need.

sometimes when having mass conversations. you leave for a long long time. nobody asks about you. it just shows how much you matter. or how much you don't

i seriously feel like my existence on this earth doesn't really matter. except that when im gone, i hafta think of the inhertance. look. i ain't suicidal. im just planning ahead.

really.
it doesn't matters anymore.
nothing did anyway.

2005-09-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

I thought some time alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone(alone)
and I tried and found
out this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
but wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies,all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart,who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine, oh ho please be mine

beautiful song, beautiful melody, beautiful lyrics
from the more than beautiful soobeihan

nah. i just drank honey. joking lah. beihan rocks right? YEAH

okay. nvm. i really dunno what to blog about.

like eli busily raping everyone today during english class?
or eli acting spastic, irritating me and yijie?
or eli trying to do push-ups with her disabled arms?

i dunno what to say

because of you
im afraid

burn that desire
scars left for life

2005-09-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

sigh. life's like. really boring.

today celebrated lantern festival with my family. pretty fun. had raffles hotel mooncake. yeah. snowskin. mocha truffle and white chocolate with champagne. we drank sparkling juice. but of course i picked red wine. not bad. 2000 brew. bittersweet. also. goodwood park's durian mooncake. i don't really like that. it's like so sticky. yucks. and dragon phoenix restaurant and east ocean custard snowskin. yay.

went to the park. started like CAMPFIRE there with twigs and leaves. then threw sparklers into the forest. no forest fire though. then my cousin met his friends. a bunch of freaking jerks. i was damn pissed.

incident one
friend A : eh you not from northbrooks right?
me : hell. no
friend B : then what? northview or northland?
me : well, actually. raffles
friend A : HAHAHA. not funny.
cousin : yeah. she is lah.
friend A : wahlau. what the hell. how can be so smart?
me : whatever.

incident two
friend A : -threw sparkler at ME-
me : WAHLAU. that is murder leh
friend C : no. that was DARING.
me : daring? hell no
friend A : well, what can you do?
me : FUCK YOU MAN. WANNA FIGHT ARH? MEET AT TOILET AT MIDNIGHT.
friend C : so vulgar.
me : to match up with uncivilised uncouth barbarians like you
friend A + C : HUH?

incident three:
cousin : okay. we got to go.
friend C : HUH? that's early.
friend D : wahlau. see lah. HCJC. VS. RGS. of course must go home early to study lah.
cousin : yeah. i agree actually
hcjc cousin : WTH. where's your sense of loyalty? if you had any to begin with, of course
me : forget it. some people just don't know the story of the fox and the sour grapes
vs cousin : hey. can they even read?

DAMN MEAN LAH. BUT IT WAS PURELY FOR THE MEANS OF RECIPROCATING.

we are very nice people. they are too, i'm sure. just discriminating against our schools.
and i got scolded for the vulgarities used. by my parents. damn shit lah.

my little cousin was damn damn cute. with her electronic hello kitty lantern which plays the tune of "it's a small world". damn noisy. damn cute too. and her shoe squeaks. and she is so freaking cute LAH. damn sweet-looking.

shit. life really sucks.
in rg, sucks is considered vulgar. so is jerk
hell, no. what is the world coming to?

congress? it will never work. our suggestions either get rebutted and we get slam by the committee. if we persist, they may accept our ideas and present it to the school. so what? the school will reject it due to whatever reasons or excuses. so in the end, it will result in nothing. nothing-ness

it's just for show.
a false pretense.

like communism, it works in theory.
but in reality, it sucks.

orals were pretty good. i worried for nothing. conversation was pretty smooth-flowing and what the hell. THE TEACHER IS DAMN NICE. i can't pardon myself for not knowing her name. she is like dunno how nice. her laughter and smiles made me really relaxed. i was like very relieved. unlike in mock orals. the atmosphere was totally different. not tense at all. i think she's really nice. i love you, mdm!

those friends who thought that i was sad for getting kicked out of psb? nah. i ain't. i never felt like i was going to be a good psl. imagine the sec ones. tortured leh! haha. and you know i don't really care. more like i dun give a single damn. and yet you pple think im hurt! cool! i just tried because i was afraid i would regret not trying. for those who felt unfair for me? nah. it ain't unfair. maybe i just didn't have psb in my fate, alrights? think about it. isn't life fair in its unfairness? somehow undeserving people will get their deserts in the end. and really. i ain't hurt or nothing. i am so blase and heck about it. first reaction was : a smile and "COOL MAN. YEAH!" i screwed up my interview, no one to be blame. much frankness and overly straighforward. who likes the truth? it's ugly.

and this means i have got enough time for lit elects! yay! my passion! my drive! it's all in there.

im studying for AIC. very unsuccessful attempt though.

KOKKY. [adjective]
meaning : ask nicholas lim wenyang for it

craziness. life's kokky. a word names after me and my surname. my ancestors would be proud

i love life. earth tastes good.

2005-09-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

i shall try my best to commit myself to blogging.

MY MUM IS UBER IRRITATING.

okay. never mind. that was random. recently my literary skills have been dropping. i really can't work with rhymes. i dun think poems have to rhyme. that's like out-dated thinking isn't it? i really oughta stick to blank verses.

life's became a dark hallway,
the sun never shone its ray.
ever since love went away,
broken shattered pieces lay.

the pure white paper now contains,
black ink, smudges and grey stains.
efforts wasted, attempts down the drain,
never in summer has it rain.

immune to the tears and pain,
never will that fear retain
i'll take this as a lesson i've gain,
and never shall i try again

the aches first tasted like sour limes
but it faded off with time

that totally SUCKED. fourteen lines. lost of love. no reciprocating. unrequited love. but SO NOT UP TO SCRATCH. ~~fuck~~whatever. mrslouisayue would cry in despair if she sees that. aargh. i dun like writing no more.

i saw this guy. teenager at the bus interchange. apparently still schooling but i can't make out the school uniform. the first thing that caught me was his hearing aids. people were staring at him. he didn't look abnormal, you see. but i don't get it. what's wrong with wearing hearing aids? it's just to aid in your hearing. there is nothing strange about it. look. if i can't see well, meaning if im short-sighted, i wear glasses. it is the same thing. it's just a device, an invention to help us. aid us.

we teach people to be kind and stuff. the ultimatium is that everyone in the world treats each other with respect and love. kindness and care. but it is just like communism. it works in theory. but in reality, it doesn't even make the passing grade.

i did not dare to let you know,
that my deepest fear is letting you go.
you've caused heartbreaks and pain,
but you come back smiling once again.

i've forgotten my ways, my name.
is this you play love, the game?
i don't want any wealth, riches nor fame.
all i wanted was for you to feel the same.

your divine touch allowed me to reincarnate,
and i wondered if you would reciprocate.
i wanted us to enter heaven's gate,
what we needed but lacked was just fate.

your faith shook, your love wavered.
so much hesitation, it's now over.
you can search for a new lover.
i knew good times never would last forever.

now you're gone,
but i ain't alone.
i overcame my biggest fear,
without a single drop of tear.

I HATE MY LANGUAGE. I SOUND SO LOVESICK. HAHA.

i ain't lovesick lah. amoeba leh.

could someone please explain KTan's teachings? i really don't get it.

life's unfair.
who the hell said it wasn't?

2005-09-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

Pathogens and Diseases

i really am sick. with lots of illnesses. dead.

1. Gay Phobia
ever since genevieve and i were scolded by the "gay fag bastard" in the cinema, i have this tugging feeling at my heart whenever i see a gay. yupps. it's a killer. now i see gays, i feel so intimidated. never has this occurred. now. why? this was the situation in the cinema.

me: just ask drew barrymore to have more sex lah. then no fear that she won't have babies
gfb (gay fag bastard) : do you guys have to think aloud?
me and gv : speechless + nervous laughter.
gfb : i am serious you know
gv : asshole
me : let's keep our thoughts silent, later get scolded by some shit again.

now. i officially hate gays. that gay was wearing a purple tank top with a black knitted cardigan draped around his shoulders. with the beaded necklace around his neck. you know those girly beads necklace. scary sia. now i see gays, my heart will jump. as in not excited kinda jump. more like scared and intimidated lah. heart-in-mouth kinda thing. more scary than getting PSLE results lah.

2. Drowsiness / Memory Loss
these few days, have been really really tired. wanna sleep the whole day away. then when the night comes, i can't sleep at all. damn ... pissifying. and i go through a day without knowing what i did. and then at night. i grumble about time lost. what the hell. what am i going through eh? i seriously think i gonna get Alzhemier's disease shit (however you spell it). i just pass a day. doing absolute nothing. or maybe i do some stuff. i just forget all of it. so what is it about holiday homework again? oh. then again, it might be selective memory loss.

3. Amoeba-ness
i really dun understand this. i lack all sorts of drive now. it used to be just be lack of motivation to study. now it's lack of motivation and drive for everything. i can't be bothered with ANY thing. especially guys. damn it. i was already not attracted to guys. now it's worse. i ain't even attracted to cute little BOYS. i ain't even a paedophile anymore. damn it. i dunno my sexual orientation now. so much for scoring a 7/9 for sex drive. (yupps. val got full score) i got a liking for sponges though. not squarepants. just sponges. as in little pieces of sponges used to wash dishes. yeah. what kind of orientation is that, you tell me? great.

4. Shyness
i seriously became shy. introvert. serious lah! i know no one would believe. i can spend a day. saying only two sentences.
"can i switch to ESPN?"
"dun block the tv please."
great. im so talkative. yeah. and i seriously hate spending time with someone alone. because i can't entertain anymore. i can't even open my mouth. i feel super awkward. unlike the usual self. is that shyness? i think it's pure laziness to even open my mouth.

5. Addiction
current addictions include

the click five's just the girl
linjunjie's jiushiwo

i dun even know why. these songs are nice. but i listen to them like again and again. very repeatedly. the normal me would have got really bored and really sick of it. but just not in this case. what's happening?

6. Intolerance of Noise
cousins screamed at each other today. both of them nearly got slapped by me. i got really damn agitated. i started playing some Buddhist preachings from my granny's collections. to calm them and teach them the right way to behave. and to calm myself down. was fiddling with the cross of mine. it's good therapy for anger. okay. it WAS.

7. Low Blood Pressure
yeah. again. people, dun agitate me. my blood pressure keeps falling as said by my family doctor. and my bloody shit blood vessels keep bursting. shit them. can you imagine. i soaked 15 kitchen tissues with blood. cool? i love blood. -winks at gv, xian and qi-

8. Blues
back-to-school blues, to be exact.

just a random blog entry. i promise to try blogging more often. once a day perhaps. forgive me even if they are really short.

i dun have anything to blog about, people.
or more like, no moods

but i promise to try.

aww. i know you guys love my wits.
and guts
whatever makes.

2005-08-31T02:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY

to all the wonderful (or not) teachers!

teachers' day celebration this year was pretty okay. the rg teachers band. damn cool lah! mrs anis can sing. saw all the cute babies. mrs yue's sean! damn cute. mrs ng's daughter! so sweet. haha. brenda wants babies le. just like gv. i want a SON. ain't biased okay. rg teachers are VERY sporting can? even mrs deborah tan sang along. and mr joseph toh was like. omg. freaking sporting. dancing and singing like that. he can sing lorh. and more, he has guts.

then we went back to pri sch. on taxi. haha. so fun. the pri sixers damn cute. all targets for me to traumatise. haha. marcus was damn cute. i went into his class, he was like giving us the "OH, NO!" look. damn cute lah.
saw benford. asked if he missed edward. he was like, when he coming back?!

haha. northland is a very good sch. not in the sense of academic. it cultivates the nature of us. going back is like almost certain. and academic wise, people there mostly originate frm good schs lah.

raffles schools
hwa chong schools
sji, st nicks.
anderson
A LOT frm cat high

haha. damn fun lah. minmin sang that thing you do. zhikang sang wake me up when september ends.

saw a lot of people whom i nvr thought i would see ever again.

i think northland is such a good sch.
oh man. i miss our batch. a lot.
i miss northland. the nasi briyani.
i really do.

let's have a combined class gathering!
damn cool.

damn pissed though
said hi to kevtham and juncun.
they replied hello.
said HELLO damn brightly to MY FEMALE EXCLASSMATE
SHE DAO-ED.

wth.
duo pai arh?

saw many people! didn't knw so many people were northlanders. even some of the rg seniors. haha.

chatted with the 6AB-ers. all of us changed a lot lah. sigh.

took bus to northpoint to catch THE MAID. ed didn't want to watch. sigh. so xiaotian didn't watch

so it was me and amanda. and lynn and her scandalous cat high frens. which equates to my cute juniors! haha.

but seriously speaking. THEIR BATCH OF GUYS LOOK MUCH BETTER THAN OURS. even amanda agrees.

the bus driver scolded me. i was standing near the door. he stop the bus. came down. to SCOLD ME. me. how could he scold me?

in chinese.

"I DUN HAVE TIME TO PLAY WITH YOU ARH. STAND PROPERLY"

i was like, WAHLAU. WTH.

first reaction was FUCK YOU LAH.

held it back. in sch uniform. surrounded by people. my "GOOD SCHOOLS" seniors.

they were all staring.

after that lynn helped me see his name

A H HO.

i gonna kill him

malu me in front of everyone.

went to watch the maid

boring.
but show the evilness of people.

people create ghosts.
because they are guilty.

2005-08-30T05:28:00.000-07:00

Flirting.

what is flirting?
you may ask
now you are asking me
if it's about you and me.

is it eye contact?
or sweet-talking?
it's about flattery?
or is it just slutty?

is it about making that wink
and batting your eyelids?
saying all the right things or
is it just smiling and giggling?

is it finding that connection?
or faking telepathy?
can we create sparks
and false chemistry?

is it poise and confidence?
a form of social courtesy
is it just polite?
to smile and greet brightly?

can it be sweet bickerings?
or maybe even slight contact
one smile, one touch or even
one glance, one word

whispering sweet-nothings
living in false pretense
acting like what you're not
is there such a need?

where does the need
to flirt lies in?
what satisfaction do you get
in doing all this things?

women flirt
men skirt
is it that
inevitable?

whore, slut
bitch, flirt
does it really
make any difference?

flirting remains in
many ways undefined
whatever it is
it's disgusting

with love,
kok yuling

*the above poem is meant to be a BLANK VERSE
do not annotate

2005-08-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

hey people

i ain't brand-conscious lah.
as in. yeah. i go for brands. but not till that extent
what's up with that shit from france, italy, and all that.
super untrue.
haha

yeah. today mrs poon was asking who in the class is freaking brand-conscious
cuz we were talking abt it frm some newspaper

then the class was like, YULING LORH
haha
i was like, OH NO. WHY ME AGAIN?

everything can be linked to yuling
how arh? it's a wonder. haha

"even her hair is cut by oompa loompa."
"everything branded lah". so untrue can.
"UNIFORM BRANDED LAH" haha. crazy arh. bibi and baba does not qualify as a brand
"dunno what what what come from france somemore" you guys really damn imaginative

sometimes i dun get it.
maybe this time round, i am really brand-conscious

but seriously. like who isn't. but comfort still ranks first

am i the butt of jokes because
i dun get angry. dun get me wrong. i ain't angry still.
or is it because i am super unpopular?

i pray it's the former.
but maybe i am really unpopular.

sigh. if that's the case. kok fanclub will be considered invalid.
and it might have to close down.

so what if i get $60 bucks a week.
so what.

yeah. haha. my blog is supposed to be really amusing.
now how? i got no inspiration at all.

oh yeah. today on bus 855.
this cat high guy towered over me. then the bus super squeezy can
then i could feel his breath. super gross
yucks. help
i think i gonna die.
frm cat high's poseur poison.
yucks. damn gross.
im freaking disgusted

yucks. i bet my hair got all his breathe and shit.
yucks. i gonna wash my hair with dettol + bleach

eeyer. i can't wait to go back to pri sch.
to see all the cute short little boys
oh yeah. i am a paedophile.

why do married women weigh heavier than single women?

single women go home, look at the fridge, then go to bed
married women go home, look at the bed, then go to the fridge

haha. this is really funny. :)

i found out a new tagphrase.
it's gonna be mine tagphrase

SSDD:

sometimes it's just what you say
sometimes you believe in nothing but the darkness
then how do you go along?

damn cool right?

and i know what it means alright!
i am pro at language remember?

no bounce, no play

this is cooler. it's like no ball, no game.

i dunno what is my problem
i been sticking my nails in between my teeth
into my gums
then they bleed
i feel good
bloody nails.
yeah. i am morbid

why am i typing in phrases today?
because im too tired to look
at the other side of the screen

have you experience this?
sometimes you stare at the same spot
for a very long period of time.
your eyes get so accustomed to it
your eyeballs are too lazy to move
i always experience it.
damn shiok

right now im staring at one spot
i bet i will go blind sometime.

listening to qingtian.
it's so sweet
jay chou rocks. mel i ain't snatching your hubby lah

anw. read students sketch pad
it's damn funny. i really admire
en and hou.

haha. and i think the rg girl one is true to a certain extent
i am SUPER anti- male chauvinist pig
anti-mcp. mcps SUCK
i saw the frenster account. male chauvinists.
DAMN pissed can?

damn shit lah. women are stronger.
[refer to older post: the one on menses]
and nopes. i wasn't pms-ing when i wrote it
women are stronger. though i am not for the burning bra thing
haha.

2005-08-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

i am tired of blogging
this might all stop

cuz blogging seriously dun allow me to get everything out
yeah. even i am afraid of people's reactions
not afraid, i shall say
i dun want them to react

cuz you bring out
the best in me
like no one else can do
that's why i'm by your side
that's why i love you

i love this song. and it's playing on my player. and it reminds me how xian's group mutilate that song. while our group did ou de yang proud. even mrs poon says so.

why does everyone wanna see me cry?
is it such a rarity?
is it so valuable?
why can't i cry?

i seldom cry
i like crying though.
it's therapy

then why has crying become a bet for me?
when did the sun start to rise from the west?

sigh. life changes. like how the season switches.
and i screwed life. worse than a screwdriver screwing tight a nail.
or maybe for me, the screwdriver is turning clockwise
someday the nail will fall off

shucks. i told you online diaries never work. i knew it all along

IMH, here i come

anyone needs english tuition?
i need math in exchange. :)

life still goes on. thanks to stephen hawkins with his impossible math.

currently reading romeo and juliet. the book does not explain the lines. thus. i dun understand anything at all. it;s a shitty hopeless romantic book therefore it hopelessly sucks in the real world

thus i have switched to stephen king's dreamcatcher.

much better. his style, language, vocab.

i love thrillers.

2005-08-18T03:20:00.000-07:00

today was pretty fun!

okay. first we had chinese. yeah. boring spells everything. but mrs poon was nice. she gave us mentos chew. haha. quite nice. and i took the extra one. :)

then we had art. oh no. this was an disaster. for me at least. firstly i can't draw. secondly, i can't paint. so basically, i can't do anythign about art. fine! i just lack the talent. i mean, i've got hell lot of ideas. i just dunno how to express them. haha. then my painting ended up. well. soggy. very soggy.

grace: yuling! why are you painting the same spot over and over again?
yuwen: yeah! i started late and i finish le!
yuling: must give it tone and texture lah.
grace: lift up your paper lah!
-lifts it up. paper was like crinkled and wet and soggy-
everyone laughs
yuling: [to xian] oohlala. just like soggy biscuit.
xian: soggy biscuit. i want!

so i spent 3 hours painting a spot on the drawing block. bascially i was painting layers over layers for nothing. haha. i know. i suck at art. and me being very VERY spoilt. threw smth away. shit. haha.

lunch. xian had to do this dare. go up to anyone and sing "don't phunk with my heart" super sexually. so i was like, sing to some MALE teacher. was looking around for them. nah. dun have. only got kenneth tan. who xian flatly rejected. so she did it to minmin and weixian. damn funny. the sec1s were freaking traumatised. and minmin was like wth. haha.

history was chao slack today despite us having our test next tuesday. haha. damn slack. mr mizar was talking ang talking. i was sitting. taking photographs on self-timer. taking with jianghe and shuna. chatting with gv about eyecandy and i even took a video. the video was enriching okay! include snippets of how to answer source-based questions featuring mr mizar! mr mizar is nice okay. so no offence.

physics was like...a whole series of laughs. haha. mr tan entered then we screamed. cuz yesterday when he entered, some pple were changing and therefore they screamed. so we wanted to replay yesterday's situtation. but he din fall for it. which is like damn sad lah. then we started class. and we had some black hole discussion about black holes being able to suck stuff like light and therefore, LIGHT BENDS. haha. damn cool. and it was VERY interesting. as in if things goes well, we might be able to find out how we came about, regardless big bang or what and also we might travel back in time. which reminds me of eli's current crush mr chia's theory.

Mr Chia's Theory or whoever it is
1. you will be able to travel back in time if you know the exact location, time and space
2. everything moves because atoms moves. it's whether we can see it or not.
3. if you throw a ball onto a wall. with enough speed and force. 20% of the time, it will be able to pass through the wall without making a hole.

haha. and mr tan came up with some weird theory too. interesting it was. haha.

Mr Tan's Theory aka KT theory
1. if everyone in the world jumps. the earth will shake

wow. so stephen hawkins-ish. i like stephen hawkins. he is so freaking damn smart. oh man. kevin tham got his book or smth? i rmbered he had. the theory of everything. mr tan was getting us to understand frequency and wavelength but we couldn't. then he did some stupid weird actions. and we finally understood. haha.

okay. after school xian, wen and me wanted to go to far east. i wanted to take a taxi being spoilt so we waited in the rain. got NO taxis. so we ended up taking a bus. sad. haha.

on the bus. it was damn squeezy and yuwen had nothing to hold on to. then she went. i think im going to FALL!
so i made use of my theory.

KOK'S THEORY
1. if you hold on to your thumb and tell yourself it's a pole and believe that it's a pole, you wouldn't fall.

cool eh? then xian and wen started laughing. and so did this other rg girl that heard. then i went, "please, i will get nobel prize for that lah!"

then eric lau who was behind started laughing. but it's true okay! hmpfh. haha. it really works. it's called psychology. haha.

then we finally reached far east. went to eat at BK. aargh. yucks. there were this group of ac posers staring at us as though we were aliens. damn shit. i think they are gays or smth. yucks

apparently i called a ri guy a nerd damn loudly that xian told me he heard it. he was not a nerd. he was a 100% poser. what matters is that he is frm ri. and therefore he is a nerd

if nerds was an universal set,
ri would be the subset

yeah. that's not a theory. that's a universal truth.

then we went to buy jon's present. they wanted to buy him those big nigger looking necklace. please lah. so ugly. like shit like that. haha. anw i hit this sandbag. dunno what it was doing in the middle of fareast. damn hard can? my knuckles hurt lah! then when we came down from new world order. then i saw this white-uniform guy then i was like, EEKS. DAMN GAY AND NERD. MUST BE FRM RI!

then he turned. alas. he smiled at us. then he kept looking. and he looked DAMN familiar. so who the hell was he? it took me like 5 hours to realise that i know him. HAHA.

then we walked around a little doing crap. then we went home on 132. yay.

tmr is math and lit sa. oh man. god, i seriously really need your help. thanks god. i love you.

2005-08-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

yeah. PSL interview. scary lah. but it's all over. and im so relieved. haha. had to do some chicken dance though. but being spontaneous, i did lah.

went to Plaza Sing with yijie, jo, gv today. damn funny. ate at secret recipe. haha. chocobanana cake. brownie. carrot cake. mango tropicana. :) totally sugar sweet

yeah. now i got so many pple in KFC aka KOK FAN CLUB. wow. thanks pple for joining. i love shiaoyen! hahaha.

anw, i think love is overestimated. as in love. the general idea. serious. no one ever made my heart stopped. or even skipped a beat. im still waiting. the rollercoaster, perhaps? haha. i miss school suddenly. miss twosix. aargh. love is betrayal and sabotage. WHOOTS. that rocks. i am so morbid and sadistic. not good. so sorry to all the freaking romantics out there. they clearly have no brains. HAHA.

2005-08-06T22:28:00.000-07:00

dear GOD,

sigh. everything's over. bio EOI, chinese performance task. at last i can breathe. till week 8 comes. im supposed to feel relieve. to feel happy. to rejoice. but i ain't. and i dunno why either. i just can't stand it. i can't stand my life. it's not like it's dreadful or anything.

im living life like a loser fucker. i dunno what i want. i got no aim, no goals. total blindness in my world. i FEEL like a loser fucker sucker idiot freaker. i feel so bad. damn it. why? it's not like i dun like my life, i dun enjoy it. it's just this blindness i see. everything is black and dark ahead. i can't see where i am going and heading to. even if the road ahead is shined with a headlight. torchlight. or even a campfire. i will still be unable to see. why? cuz this blindness is within me. i need to know wad i want. my goals. my everything. and now, i dun.

i feel so fuckingly loser. it's like the first time im using so many f words on MYSELF. being the egoist im. i dunno what im living for. im living for nothing. i think im going crazy

in the dead of night, i look at my wrist and the contours of my veins. green and winding. damn cool. and i start to fantazise the amount of blood that can flow out from it. it's like a weird kinda of therapy. staring at the veins just make me smile. i know im going crazy. i can feel it.

so god, please. please let me have light within myself. allow me to see what i want. light up my path and light up within me. i really need it. i need help. i do. freak.

thanks.

with love,
yuling

2005-07-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

The Reason Behind RGS' Performance Task

(or rather, the REASONS.)

1. They are trying to kill innocent little girls by depriving them of freedom and play. Instead, they want the little girls to suffer from a lack of sleep and thus ending up as old and haggard as the many teachers they have so as to promote equality. A different way of communism, you can call that.

2. They want us to quarrel, squabble and disagree with our friends so as to ensure that peace and harmony are unfound on the premises of RGS. They want us try to channel our anger at our peers so that teachers can be spared the pain and terror. Instead, students have to tolerate one another's fiery temper while teachers sit and watch the movie "CAT FIGHTS" screen.

3. Having performance tasks in groups also means that teachers will have less to mark as there are only 10 copies of work at most. However, having summative tests would mean the teachers having a class of 35 scripts to mark. Therefore, the teachers' workload can be effectively lighten.

4. They think they can introduce creativity and innovation by coming up with ridiculous performance tasks with no objectives at all. They think that exams and tests are too restricted and unoriginal. What they do not know is that their performance tasks are modelled after exam papers.

5. They want to be able to say that the raffles programme is different. Need i say more?

6. They want us to eventually go bankrupt from our printer ink, paper and electricity bills. The resources that we consume throughout the whole process of completing a performance task is not reimbursed, making it an useless investment for us.

7. They want to give us lower GPAs and they know that by introducing performance tasks, they can mark us down, thus giving us lower grades. Unlike for exams and tests, it is easier to score and attain good grades. We need to have a higher standard because we are RGS.

8. They enjoy torturing us. It's a form of entertainment and therapy for them. They are addicted to mistreating their innocent children.

9. They want us to fill up the remaining beds left at Woodbridge Hospital For the Mentally Ill.

10. They have already beaten RI in being the top school. Now they want to be the geekiest school. By making their students study and do performance tasks all day long, they hope that their students can turn out to be nerds, geeks, and weird-looking creatures who carry books all day long.

This above report is completely ficitious. Any resemblance to any characters, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

just another random puke of thoughts.

2005-07-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

you freaking liar. lie to me. lie to others. lie to your frens.

you try to put on a front. hurting people. being what you are not. but you are what you are. and for that, you suck.

you knw you are despo. you shld and you do. so why try to hide your natural colours

everyone is so pissed with you, can't you see?

you think you are freaking damn popular. you make people puke.

you bitch abt them. what you dunno is that they bitch abt you all the time. together in a group

you stand alone, divided. we stand together, bonded

you attention-seeking freak. i wonder if you ever feel guilty

whatever you are. you won't get to me or anyone else. we stand strong in face of your attacks.

f*** you. seriously. you totally suck.

i ain't saying your name not cuz im afraid

because i knw you will cry and moan

im saving some grace for my ears.

2005-07-25T02:51:00.000-07:00

let me talk about the sacred feminity today. women are very sacred. we continue the blood line. try having a man with a child in his womb for nine months. he would probably drop dead just thinking about it. therefore women are very powerful while men are just blind mice.

then why do men freak out at the thought of menstruation? and why do women themselves deny themselves of their rights by thinking that menstruation is a dirty and gruesome procedure? some superstitious people would even stoop low enough to say that the blood is not clean and unlucky. like wth. i would probably slapped those people if i ever come face-to-face with them. they were born in a pool of blood that originated from their mum's womb. and that's where menstruation comes from too. so why aren't people considered dirty and unlucky? even they themselves resided in their mums' wombs before. just like menstruation. so are they dirty, gruesome and absolutely disgusting?

there is no such thing as dirty blood. it was this blood, in fact, that indicated that a women was potent. thus making everyone of us here present. without this blood. there will be no guys. no girls. no world. yeah. i can proudly walk into the supermarket and strut to the counter with a packet of sanitary pads. no big problem. in fact, no problem at all. and if any men were to ever criticise that a woman's menstruation is dirty, you knw wad i think? he shld just go fuck himself. and then he would realise the importance of women

so chauvinists. get this straight. women ARE stronger than man. your mum gave birth to you. and i dun think she was a man, or even a woman without menstruation before she hit menopause. if you insist that women are meant to be dominated and meant to be the weaker sex. knw wad you have? a weak, old, outdated mindset. and for that, i pity you. you are a loser. and will always be one. it's only when you recognise the contributions of women, the sacrity and the strength of women. men would probably die of pain before they can even give birth. so men, you suck.

dedicated to the cab driver who said that NUS had less than 25% graudates from the medicine faculty who are female. so? that's not MY problem. i'm going to make it. it's the men's problem. they got to stop the rapid and advance spread of capable women and i would like to see the weak, useless men try. they would probably NOT succeed. knowing what shit they are made of.

this is a random post, not meant to be targeted at any person or groups whatsoever. any resemblance to any characters, dead or alive, is purely coincidental.

________________________________________________________________________________

i'm going into a state of hiatus. im hibernating. dunno why. just feel like doing so. switching off phone and logging off msn. my bills are going to be neat this month. whoots.

im going to study. guaikias rock. only when i have good grades then i can continue slacking next year. reminder : do not overuse the slackness you have in a year. it will result in the next year of diligence.

i wake up today
not knowing what lies in my way
wanting to take a step forward
ending up falling backward

i smile in false hope and pretence
you ask me to stop being intense
i can't help it, can i?
it hurts to live like that

i pray for reincarnation
a brand new sensation
i search for the true awakening
in life's weary journey

meanwhile i shall dry the tears
wipe away all my fears
put on a white mask
and in false joy, i will bask

my lit rocks lah. my brand new poem. totally at random. haha. depressing though.

i'm going to turn into a temporary nun. yay. i like my sisters best. HAHA. no point crushing teachers lah people. he is so...below average! jeremy and chee. you might like to go somewhere else. not very welcomed here. you can try hotel81 @ geylang. nice place. it really is.

this entry is totally kokky. interesting

2005-07-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

i am in love

bossini junction 8

YAY! haha. only xian knws what im talking abt. cute, polite and charming. HAHA. :)

at least i dun crush ineligible teachers. like some tall, "manly" pe tchr. nor some "cute" math tchr. nor that "cute", "cool" history tchr. haha.

im in love. :)
or at least infatuation.

but i got a feeling that it won't last.
as usual

right now, im staring at michael owen's poster.

haha.

2005-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

16th July

harry potter book 6 came out! Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. yay. can't wait to read it. so fun. i've been waiting for such a long long long time.

rgs open house 2005. yawn. boring lah. but after that went shopping with gv and yijie. damn funny. whoots

highlight of the day: rg guitar concert

zhixian and i met at ang mo kio mrt station at 4pm and reached plaza sing at 5. walked around. got alice and xiner flowers for the concert. went to spotlight. suddenly i had this brainwave. me and xian bought every single orange button there was in the whole shop for eli. are we like nice or are we like freaking nice? haha. then we went to orchard to meet the rest

okay. we reached orchard. and who was there? lemme think. eli, edward, jon, derek, everett, anthony. yeah. and we forsaked dinner to look for some guy named renxiang. the search at borders were futile. couldn't find renxiang and edward almost went missing. den derek conceived this idea that renxiang would be at the magazine section reading FHM. but nope. he wasn't there. then he called someone to said he was at orchard mrt station le. so we backtracked. in order to find him, we risked the flashing green light twice. oh man. we could have died.

then we saw jiajun with this guy. dunno wad is his name. he was in what gv wld have called a SHIT coloured shirt. yeah. then they went after her. chasing. haha. and i? just stood there. dunno wad to do. as in we were alrdy running late. haha.

then we finally met renxiang and proceeded to buy the cake. chose the most creamy one. despite derek preferring the other ones. haha. then we met joanne! damn fun. said hi! and went away again. took the bus. jiajun had to go to hyatt hotel for her cousin's wedding. she left her bag with eli on the bus. damn funny. then after that we missed our stop at rg. 3 rg girls. all forgot to press the bell. haha. had to walk back.

then the concert was like, erm. okay. it was pretty good. the rock band. haha. then during the intermission time, just fooled around with shara and shuna. haha. and showed people mel's sexy photo. haha.

then after the concert we went to the canteen to celebrate derek's bday. qt fun. took photos and derek's face went into the cake. damn funny. no one wanted to eat the cake after that. then eli took cake and smeared on everyone. haha. nic, everett and me were the first to react. dug up some cake and went after eli. haha. then eli got smeared. cuz she knew she wld be smeared. then renxiang. he threw the whole cake at eli! eli damn pathetic after that. haha. then we went to the toilet to clean up. cream on the hair, ears, shirt, jacket, skirt. cream everywhere. then when we came out of the toilet. bham. cakes flew everywhere again. had to clean up again.

but good thing was that, EVERYONE helped clean up. everyone. they even offer to mop the floor for me lah. so gentleman. but please. i can do it. haha. yupps. great job, people. though we probably clogged up the pipes with cake remaints. haha.

then halfway thru clearing up. damn. the public phone kept ringing. we were so freaked out. nic picked it up then hung it up. haha. then after clearing up, we went home! how fun. cake-smashing and smearing is healthy and fun man.

next stop. next birthday. 19 august. haha. more than 1 month away lah.

2005-07-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

National Swim Meets 2005
Results

A Div Boys : RJC
A Div Girls : RJC

B Div Boys : ACS (I)
B Div Girls : RGS

C Div Boys : RI
C Div Girls : RGS

the results are like so..predictable. raffles kope everything. took almost everything. well, i said. almost. haha. well done, raffles. anw. yesterday was like, we took 105 down to toa payoh swimming complex cuz we missed the shuttle bus due to the history test. then we were still on time!

and then we took our seats. right in front of a row of RI guys. thought it would be okay lah. as in RI, they wouldn't dare to do much to us wad. then WTH. i realised that kevin tham was behind. super unlucky. then we were watching the swimmers swim. wow. then the trouble began. first i felt someone shoving his feet under my pinafore. i ignored it lah. thought it was an accident lah. then i felt paper/straw dunno what shit pelting on my back. i din do anything. cool and composed. i din even see the paper. then someone put their gatorade beside me. i returned it to the RI guys. and kept calm. then my patience broke. this IDIOT RI guy had to use his macdonalds balloon to knock my head. of course, my hair was touched. how can they touched my HAIR? and they din apologise. they just went, "oops".

so i turned around and went, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

damn irritating lorh. all of them. esp kevin and co. wahlau. freak them lah. then when ac won. their tchr or smth. took the ac flag and started parading around the raffles family. we were like, "whatever lorh", "go away lah". all sorts of stuff lah. centipide/ant-eater told us we could do better than the ac family. then as kiasu competitive s'poreans. we cheered damn loud. and..low. haha.

then when the whole thing ended. we sang our sch song. the rg one. damn it man. freak that kev tham. he went " what's that? so high. yucks." so i went, shit. i died of geek poison le. LIKE WTH. our sch song is damn nice lorh. then when we cheered for ac. they mimic us. please. ac is like, much BETTER. ri, go and die lah.

compliments of nick.

damn that ri man. and xian was boy-googling. haha. looking out for chio ges and familiar faces.

anw. then after the whole thing, we went to toa payoh central. i was waiting for them cuz i reached first wad. then those twosixers went shouting in front of everyone

"kok! i want kok!"
"kok! i miss you!"
"kok! kok! kok!"

wth. everyone was staring and laughing. even those ri nerds. please lah, people. dun have to openly express your love. haha.

today was acp. our wantons were super nice. all the tchrs agreed. me and yuwen are truly the best aesthetics partners ever. haha. anw.

"lettuce cannot be eaten raw!"

as quoted by someone. damn irritating. i eat what. but i nvr die. so many pple eat also. and somemore she doubted my dad's professionalism. just GREAT. my dad owns a restaurant. loser lah. idiot. whole class hates you lorh. as jon said, even SALMON can be eaten raw

it was quite alright. some people were totally uncooperative though. those selfish fuckers. go away man!

anw. im changing seats! i miss eli lorh. and xian. and yijie. and chloe. and yuwen. sigh. but i got to sit with super uber nice people. like jianghe, shuna, tianfei, sheena and gv! haha. feel so lucky. whoopies! i love my group! haha. we all rock man. but they all damn pro. i feel bad. sigh.

tmr got opera show. die. im gonna be so bored. luckily we can decide our seating. cool. better reach there earlier or some fuckers of the class turn selfish again

dun get me wrong. i love 206. i always did. but sometimes, we have got a limit

to the chio/shuai/cute ac barker guy on the train studying today : my fren LEOW ZHIXIAN wna knw you.

yeah. nice announcement i've got there.

im freaking tired. everytime i close my eyes, i see orange/white deuter bag with a tanned tall owner.

please. im only joking. haha. i aint as impractical as xian.

i need sleep. look at those dark eye rings cum heavy eye bags. die.

2005-07-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

oh man. i am feeling damn irritated. life sucks. thanks to the not-so-very hectic schedule we have been getting. just great!

math performance task (12th Jul)
history structured essay SA (13th Jul)
geog performance task (20th Jul)
chinese performance task (5th August)
lit summative assessment poetry (week 8)

damn. and all these performance tasks each include two components, group and indivdual. and the indivdual is freaking damn hard. if there was some award for to see which sch tortures the best. im damn sure which sch will prevail the winner.

anw. today was slack. like every other day. haha. then during cle. our version of pastoral care. somebody said that i talked a lot and gave me a chance to talk in class. being as gracious and as sporting as ever, i stood up and talked. obviously, being the "wow" speaker that i am. i din lose any of my face and answered the questions. and she was speechless. well, you can't scold me for speaking perfectly normal chinese, can you? haha. i am pro. whoots. oh man. you can't do anything abt me. haha

anw. the whole of twosix got a present today. two class bookings. which is like so fun and so lucky of us, right?

i think im being super irritating. being so ego. someone! stop me!

tomorrow going for swim meet. hope it's like, fun? haha. dunno lah. it shld be fun. like what it was last year.

wish me luck for the history test.

happy birthday melanie. you reached puberty but not maturity. but i still love you.

yay! i am always hyper.

2005-07-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

oh man! yuwen SO rock. i love her. she is so pro! she so chio and chirpy and wonderful!

and she is SO right

i must be in delusion.

2005-07-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

yuling. rocks. yuling. the. pro. yuling. the. greatest. yuling. the. kok. yuling. the. god. yuling. the. everything.

enough said. im feeling ego today. cuz im INDIVIDUAL AND I AM PRO

KWANYUWEN ROCKS KOKYULING'S SOCKS :D :D :D

that was invasion by YUWEN. the greatest walking poster of the word LOSER! haha. but i love her! why? cuz she so loser! manns. she so freaking loser, it's a wonder!

im feeling mean today. wahahaha

nah. im hyper. can't stop smiling and laughing! must exercise self-control. but i dun even know the reason to my hyperness. how to cure? oh no. i love you! going out to everyone out there! muacks!

this is a childish, lame and stupid post. why? cuz i have been influence by yuwenism! it's a deadly infectious disease! people! get help! oh no! im dying of her LOSER poison! help!

p.s.: ignore this post if you are kwanyuwen
p.p.s: alternatively. if you are a freaking loser who thinks L stands for love. and happen to be my best ass partner

2005-07-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		80%
Stability		63%
Orderliness		36%
Altruism		76%
Interdependence		43%
Intellectual		83%
Mystical		83%
Artistic		70%
Religious		83%
Hedonism		16%
Materialism		83%
Narcissism		63%
Adventurousness		90%
Work ethic		70%
Self absorbed		63%
Conflict seeking		56%
Need to dominate		56%

Romantic		56%
Avoidant		43%
Anti-authority		76%
Wealth		56%
Dependency		56%
Change averse		23%
Cautiousness		43%
Individuality		83%
Sexuality		30%
Peter pan complex		50%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		44%
Histrionic		70%
Paranoia		30%
Vanity		56%
Hypersensitivity		70%
Female cliche		36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

This only confirms how much i rock. whoots. ego

2005-07-09T03:05:00.002-07:00

Ten Facts About Me That I Am Ashamed Of

As i said before. 14 is the age of realisation. This year, i realised a lot. a lot of changes. a lot of shit. most of all. a lot more abt me.

1) Addictions.
i nvr thought i would be addicted to anything. but i developed addictions to a load of stuff. addiction to coffee. and my addiction to coffee is so freaking serious that i developed withdrawal symptoms. i basically die without it. im addicted to Project Superstar. and im ashamed of it. i am addicted to sweet songs. like i'll be there for you. i am addicted to linjunjie's songs. i am ashamed of that. i am addicted to lit classes. even though they are pretty stressful. i seriously am addicted to all kind of shit stuff. i am ashamed. i never doubted my abilities to be unaffected by the world around me, be cleared of all the poison. but like evey other girl, i am addicted to stuff.

2) my MEMORY
for some reasons recently. i have a failing memory. i forget abt stuff. stuff that are so freaking important. frm mathematical formula. to stuff like forgetting to apply soap when i shower. and forgetting if i showered. but i remembered my geog facts. my history notes. my lit text. my chinese shenci, my life tactics. but i forget all abt homework and performance tasks and schoolwork. i strongly think i practise selective memory.

3) my brains
how can i know the capitals of so many freak countries? why am i so pro? when some people dun even knw the capital of Singapore. and think that the capital of Malaysia is Sumatra. and guess that the capital of Denmark is Belgium. while i knw the capital of PAKISTAN and even stuff like ireland. why am i so pro at stuff that are NOT tested? why? why am i so knowledgable? why?

4) my ego-ness
refer to the above paragraph. aint i ego? thanks to the daily influence of ego people. mainly. my classmates. no names mentioned. why? because ALL of them are ego. haha

5) my dropping grades
for this im really sorry. sorry mum, sorry dad. i will try to do better. as i said, TRY

6) my slackness.
omg. this has got to be one thing i can't help. i think i haven't did more than 10 pieces of hmwk at home. and i procrastinate. and till my fren says i have " no sense of urgency " at all. and i put play before work. and i dun priortise. i agree. i dun. i was born a slacker. that is not an excuse. mum said i was born past the due date. i wasn't even urgent in coming to this world. think abt other stuff then. okay. i suck. i knw. stop rubbing into it

7) my sweeter and sweeter mouth
i praise people. and i boost their ego. people may say that is being hypocritical. they are wrong. it is not like i dun mean what i say nor i say stuff cuz of a motive. i say stuff like that to make people happy. how many of us can do that? we all can. it's a matter of choice. i want people to feel happy. if they are sad. even untrue stuff can make them happier. and i only wna see smiles on their faces. i only wna see them strong. and see them happy. white lies help. everytime.

8) my materialism and need for money
sigh. everything must have a brand. im guilty and im sorry. but brands work everywhere with everyone. money helps anywhere with anyone. i fear, that is the cruel truth

9) gossiping and bitching
after all, biologically im a girl. im guilty of this offence. and damn it. i wna stop. but it is mission impossible. it's a biological defect. everyone does it. it's time to face the truth.

10) my crappiness.
this explains this post. this explains EVERYTHING, doesn't it?

2005-07-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'll Be There For You
Bon Jovi

I guess this time you're really leaving,
I heard your suitcase say goodbye.
And as my broken heart lies bleeding,
they say true love is suicide.

You say you've cried a thousand rivers,
and now you're swimming for the shore.
You left me drowning in my tears,
and you won't save me anymore.
Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl.

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you.
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you,
Words can't say what love can do.
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times,
Now they have their own hiding place.
I can promise you tomorrow,
But I can't buy back yesterday.

And baby you know my hands are dirty,
But I wanted to be your Valentine,
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you.
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you,
Words can't say what love can do.
I'll be there for you
And I wasn't there when you were happy,
I wasn't there when you were down.
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you.
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you,
Words can't say what love can do.
I'll be there for...
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you.
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you,
Words can't say what love can do.
I'll be there for you

i love this song. kinda reminds me of sugar sweetness.

2005-07-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

okay. first entry.

attitudity. rhymes with nudity.
why attitudity?
i wanted a blog that sounded very much like me.
and attitude. haha. xian said it sounded
just like me. :)

attitude. perspective. outlook. views. opinions. values
basically. life
this is what this blog is gonna be about

changes. and most importantly, how has changes to life affect me.

i knw. this almost sounds like a plan. an overview. like those we get in school before we embark on a certain topic. nope. i assure you. this blog isn't a plan. it is PART of a plan. the plan is named life. i dun like plans. i dun like thinking ahead. okay. but this blog is going to be a teenager's life. the good, the bad. the joy, the angst. the life.

so my
attitude
perspective
outlook
views
opinions
values

may not be something you agree with.

but look. i dun care. and dun make me care.
whatever i post. i like it that way. so shut your ass.
i am what i am. and so fuck off if needed
i am a teenager. bursting with angst and anger
filled with joy and laughter.
i dun have a problem with that
so you shut up.

on systems

2005-07-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

i've just decided. organization is good. change is good. systems are good. therefore this new blog. new url. actually i was thinking of a new url. cuz i have matured ever since p6. obviously right? haha. and 14 is an age of realisation. you realise new things.

and this blog gonna be about wad i learn frm my life. and my life. is. bumpy. haha. monotonous would be boring. then it will lose the meaning of blogging. and i ain't ever gonna be lazy and push off blogging. this is my only diary. and the contents are what i really feel. your comments does not matter. even if you have any comments, you are strongly advised to keep them to yourself. because, this IS my blog, not yours. you can write whatever on yours and i DUN care. so please dun care abt mine either. cuz i AM entitled to my own opinions. you bushuang? your problem. and it's not like you dun have any choices. you dun like, fuck off. and now. for the first post on life and other stuff as usual.

if this was a book, this would be the prologue.